Hope

Just over three weeks to go till baby's due date! It feels like forever!! I am getting impatient, sick of being at home but too big and uncomfortable to get out and about too much. Eagerly awaiting our little boy's arrival.

My husband moved in two weeks ago. The first 7-10 days were rocky. Arguments/conflict every day, to the point where we'd almost both given up on our marriage and were about to call it quits. I felt so exhausted from the conflict and didn't feel I had enough energy to keep working on it. But lately, things have settled into a kind of rhythm. Perhaps it was just adjusting to living with one another again or perhaps we are just going through a kind of reprieve. Or perhaps we are just more aware of one another's needs. We are both attending individual counselling, and we have started marriage counselling, which has been helpful already after just one session.

I am beginning to feel more hopeful, beginning to feel like we are starting to work again as a married couple - as a team - beginning to enjoy him and love him again. My footing doesn't feel secure, because I know that things could turn sour again, and that is difficult. But I don't live my life in anxiety with the "what if's".

In the meantime, I continue with my support groups, Al-anon and regularly connect with my friends. I feel more supported and less lonely, and more prepared for this baby's arrival. Al-Anon brings me a tremendous amount of peace, a reminder of what I need to work on, and genuinely caring people who have become a wonderful support to me despite my highs and lows.